I found this today and thought it was funny. That's all.

Takin' it slow

Although this date happened about a month ago...it is worthy of mention. I will call this girl Emily. I like the name Emily and since this girl was kind of annoying, it makes it more bearable if she has a fancy name. It's the little things...no?

So back to Emily. We met up at my place. First date. We hung out for a bit and decided to grab some dinner in the neighborhood...a cute little Thai place that shall remain nameless. Initially I was slightly alarmed because I knew our waiter and I had not seen him since the demise of my last relationship...and I didn't want him to ask where the hell my girlfriend was on my date with some other lady...but it was fine. He kept quiet. In retrospect, maybe he should have said something.

Conversation during dinner was pretty good. Not typical. Strange actually. I recall a story about her mom hitting her with a broom. This was not part of the good conversation. If your mom is mean-tell me on date #5. I don't care on date #1. Chances are I just want to make out. Anyhow...we walked back to my place and chatted some more. After about an hour (finally) some buisness started happening. And by buisness I mean good old fashioned kissing. Nothing more, nothing less. This is when Emily, in her infinte wisdom breaks away and suggests that perhaps we should, "Take it slow," because she keeps fucking things up by going to fast. Ok. This is understandable. Well, not really. It's not like I coaxed her into filming a porno. We were kissing. I swear...I didn't even touch her boobs. Nothing. Sheesh. This isn't 1955.

Soon after, Miss Emily went home. She called me on her way home and I informed her that she left her scarf in my apartment.
She said she would get it, "next time." I haven't seen her since.

I still have this scarf. It's cute.

I'd like an insult with my jager shot, please.

Well, my weekly trip to a local bar to see The L Word (yes, I realize this is a horribly stereotypical thing to do) was pretty entertaining this week. Usually, the bar has a fair amount of people, but this week it was insane. After the show, my friend and I attempted to go to the bar to pay our tab. It was at this point we came across a lovely lady I will call Michelle. Michelle initiated some conversation, and I obliged, as she appeared, at least at first, to be fairly normal. After a few minutes, she bought me a shot of jager. Now, I would like to say that typically, I do not do jager shots. This is due in part to the fact that jager transforms me from "normal" Maggie to "crazy-ass annoying loud slobbering" Maggie. This is not a pretty transformation. Despite the aforementioned inevitable transformation (and despite the fact that I had to meet with my advisor in the morning) I took most of the shot and secretly passed the rest to my friend. Now, it was at this point that another woman joined us and declared Michelle as her girlfriend. Not wanting to cause any drama, I tried to explain the situation and attempted to walk away. One would think that this is where the story ends...but no...that would be wayyyyyy to easy. It turns out that these ladies were just kidding and that lady number 2 was just her friend. I laughed it off, but Michelle kept saying that I thought they were serious and that I was annoyed and a bitch. The verbal attacks continued for a few moments while lady number 2 looked on and laughed hysterically. Ok, whatever. But then, for reasons only known to the god of crazy land, Michelle bought me another shot, which I gave to my friend. Then, lady number 3 joined us, and as it turns out, she was on a date with said lady number 3. Oh, Michelle reassured me that indeed she did not like lady number 3. Number 3 was ugly (not my assessment), to which I assured her that indeed I had to go.

Michelle lives in an interesting fantasy world. I would love to live in this land of make believe. Imagine! Living in a world devoid of social norms. How fun! I enjoyed the juxtaposition of free liquor and insults. I guess one can never have enough of either...

Allow me to introduce myself. yeah.

So, I'd like to start by explaining a few things. After leaving a long term relationship of many years, I find myself a single lady. I have found this to be such an interesting (and by interesting I mean annoying, strange and hilarious) experience, that I feel it necessary to share it with the world. Well, maybe not the world. I have a nagging feeling that I am the only one that is going to read this blog...but that doesn't matter!

Along with recounting the more entertaining dating stories from the past few months, I will provide you with up to the minute updates on the oh-so-exciting adventures I embark on. And so it begins...